The Lord said to Noah
The Lord came to Noah, in the year 2004. The earth was wicked and
over-populated. The Lord instructed Noah to build another Ark and save two
of every living thing along with a few good humans. "Here's the blueprint",
said the Lord. "Hurry.... in six months I start the unending rain for 40
days and 40 nights."
Six months later the rain started. The Lord looked down and saw Noah
weeping in his flooded yard.... and no ark "Noah", He roared, "Where is the
Ark?"
"Forgive me, Lord," begged Noah. "Things have changed. I needed a
building permit. I've been arguing with the inspector about the need for a
sprinkler system. My neighbors claim that I have viol! ated the neighborhood
zoning laws by building the Ark in my yard and the height limitation being
exceeded. We had to go to the Development Appeal Board for a decision. Then
Transport USA and the Department of Highways wanted a bond posted for the
future costs of moving power, trolley and other overhead obstructions, to
clear the passage for the Ark's move to the sea. I argued the sea would be
coming to us, but they would hear nothing of this.
"Getting the wood was another problem. There's a ban on cutting
local trees in order to save the spotted owl. I tried to convince the
environmentalists that I needed the wood to save the owls. No go!
"I gathered the animals, but then I got sued by an animal rights
group. They insisted that I was confining wild animals against their will.
As well, they argued! the accommodation was too restrictive and it was cruel
and inhumane to put so many animals in so confined a space.
"The Department of Environment decided that I could not build the
Ark without filing an environmental impact statement on your proposed flood.
"I'm still trying to resolve a complaint with the Human Rights
Commission on how many minorities I'm supposed to hire for my building crew.
The trades union wants me to hire only Union trades-people with Ark building
experience.
"To make matters worse, the IRS seized all my assets, claiming I'm
trying to leave the country illegally with endangered species. So, forgive
me, Lord, but it would take at least ten years to finish this Ark."
Suddenly the skies cleared and the sun began to shine. A rainbow
stretched across the sky. Noah looked up in wonder. "You mean you're not
going to destroy the world?" he asked.
"No", said the Lord. "The Government beat me to it"
