Came across a whole bunch of my old favorites... and a few I'd never heard. I just love horse jokes. <
Q.Why did the boy stand behind the horse?
A.He thought he might get a kick out of it!
Q.What is the difference between a horse and a duck?
A.One goes quick and the other goes quack!
Q:How do you lead a horse to water?
A:With lots of carrots.
Q:What do you get when you cross a goat a donkey and a ram?
A:Simple.A nice big kick in the AAAAss.
"Some horses are so polite that when they come to a jump, they stop and let you go over first."
What is a horses favorite T.V. show?
Neeeebours
Q: What do you call a horse wearing Venetian blinds?
A: A zebra!
I had a near death experience that has changed me forever. The other day I went horsesback riding. Everything was going fine until the horse started bouncing out of control. I tried with all my might to hang on, but was thrown off. Just when things could not possibly get worse, my foot gets caught in the stirrup. When this happened, I fell head first to the ground. My head continued to bounce harder as the horse did not stop or even slow down. Just as I was giving up hope and losing consciousness, the Walmart manager came and unplugged it. Thank Goodness for heroes!
An out-of-towner accidently drives his car into a deep ditch on the side of a country road. Luckily a farmer happened by with his big old horse named Benny. The man asked for help. The farmer said Benny could pull his car out. So he backed Benny up and hitched Benny to the man's car bumper. Then he yelled, "Pull, Nellie, pull." Benny didn't move. Then he yelled, "Come on, pull Ranger." Still, Benny didn't move. Then he yelled really loud, "Now pull, Fred, pull hard." Benny just stood. Then the farmer nonchalantly said, "Okay, Benny, pull." Benny pulled the car out of the ditch. The man was very appreciative but curious. He asked the farmer why he called his horse by the wrong name three times. The farmer said, "Oh, Benny is blind, and if he thought he was the only one pulling he wouldn't even try."
Q: Why can't horses dance?
A: Because they have 2 left feet.
Q: When do vampires like horse racing?
A: When it's neck and neck.
Q: What does it mean if you find a horse shoe?
A: Some poor horse is walking around in his socks.
Q: How long should a horse's legs be?
A: Long enough to reach the ground.
There was a famous jockey that never lost a race.When asked how he achieved this,he replied, I whisper in the horse's ear: Roses are red, violets are blue. Horses that lose are made into glue.
Q: What is the best type of story to tell a runaway horse?
A: A tale of WHOA
Three race horses stood in their stalls. One said to other others: "I ran 20 races and I won 15 of them!" he bragged. The next said with a snort, "Well, I ran 30 races and won 25 of them!" Then the third horse spoke up proudly, "Yeah, I ran 41 races and won 39 of them!" This seemed to settle the topic when the horses noticed a Greyhound outside their stalls. The Greyhound said, "I ran 100 races and I won 99 of them." The horses looked at each other in amazement and one gasped, "Wow!
A talking greyhound!"
Q: What animal has more "hands" than feet?
A: Why, a horse, of course!
Q: What did one horse say to the other horse?
A: The pace is familiar but I can't remember the mane.
Q: What do you call pony with a sore throat?
A: A little hoarse.
Q: What part of the horse has the most hair?
A: The outside!!!
Q: Have you read the book, "100-mile Horse Trek"
Q: Who wrote it?
A: Major Bumsore
Q: What do you give a sick horse?
A: Cough stirrup.
Q: What's a horse's favorite sport?
A: Stable Tennis
Q: Why did the horse go behind the tree?
A: To change his jockeys.
Q: What did one horse say to the other horse?
A: How's your hay fever?
Q: What do you call it when you pass a tail, ears, mane and legs?
A: A horse.
Q: What did the bartender say to the horse?
A: Why such a long face?
Q: Why did the horse take a slice of hay to bed?
A: To feed his nightmares!!!
Q: How do you hire a horse?
A: Put a brick under each hoof!
Q: What are the only animals to sleep with their shoes on?
A: A horse, of course!
Q: What breeds of horses can jump higher than a house?
A: All breeds. Houses don't jump
Q: A man rode into town on June 3rd, stayed a week, and rode out on June 3rd.
How is this possible?
A: His horse's name was June 3rd.
