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Author Topic: joke for today  (Read 12292 times)

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Offline Ann

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joke for today
« on: June 25, 2004, 09:24:08 AM »
A magician worked on a cruise ship. There was   
different audience each week, so the magician did
the same tricks over  and over again.

One problem:
The captain's parrot saw the shows each  week and
began to understand how the magician did every trick.
Once he  understood, the parrot started
shouting in the middle of the  show:

"Look, it's not the same hat!"
"Look, he's hiding the flowers  under the table."
"Hey, why are all the cards the ace of spades?"

The  magician was furious but couldn't do anything.
After all, it was  the  captain's parrot.

Then, one day after hitting an iceberg, the ship  sank.
The magician found himself on a piece of wood in the
middle of the  sea with ... as fate would have it ... the parrot.

They stared at each  other with hatred but did not utter a word.
This went on for a day .. and  then another .. and then another.

Finally on the fourth day, the parrot could not hold back:

"OK, I give up. Where's the *******  ship?"


Cleaned it up a bit for ya'll!! <()>
Best Wishes,
Ann

Offline Julie

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Re: joke for today
« Reply #1 on: June 25, 2004, 09:26:09 AM »
 :-*
Sometimes what's  right isn't always popular and what's popular isn't always right.

Offline BrownEyesAfire

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Re: joke for today
« Reply #2 on: June 25, 2004, 09:34:00 AM »
That's a good one! /|\\
Thanks
Everything happens for a reason!

Offline Julie

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Re: joke for today
« Reply #3 on: June 25, 2004, 09:34:48 AM »
 Here's another one:

She spent the first day packing her belongings into boxes, crates and suitcases.
On the second day, she had the movers come and collect her things.

On the third day, she sat down for the last time at their beautiful dining room table by candlelight, put on some soft background music, and feasted on a pound of shrimp, a jar of caviar, and a bottle of Chardonnay.

When she had finished, she went into each and every room and deposited a few half-eaten shrimp shells, dipped in caviar, into the hollow of the curtain rods.

She then cleaned up the kitchen and left.

When the husband returned with his new girlfriend, all was bliss for the first few days.

Then slowly, the house began to smell. They tried everything; cleaning and mopping and airing the place out. Vents were checked for dead rodents, and carpets were steam cleaned.

Air fresheners were hung everywhere.

Exterminators were brought in to set off gas canisters, during which they had to move out for a few days, and in the end they even paid to replace the expensive wool carpeting.

Nothing worked.

People stopped coming over to visit... Repairmen refused to work in the house...The maid quit... Finally, they could not take the stench any longer and decided to move.

A month later, even though they had cut their price in half, they could not find a buyer for their stinky house.

Word got out, and eventually, even the local realtors refused to return their calls.  Finally, they had to borrow a huge sum of money from the bank to purchase a new place.

The ex-wife called the man, and asked how things were going.

He told her the saga of the rotting house.  She listened politely, and said that she missed her old home terribly, and would be willing to reduce her divorce settlement in exchange for getting the house back...

Knowing his ex-wife had no idea how bad the smell was, he agreed on price that was about 1/10th of what the house had been worth...But only if she were to sign the papers that very day.

She agreed, and within the hour, his lawyers delivered the paperwork.

A week later, the man and his new girlfriend stood smirking as they watched the moving company pack everything to take to their new home...including the curtain rods.

I LOVE A HAPPY ENDING,  DON'T YOU????

 

 
Sometimes what's  right isn't always popular and what's popular isn't always right.

Offline Ann

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Re: joke for today
« Reply #4 on: June 25, 2004, 10:01:02 AM »
I've heard that one before....that's pretty good...women are smarter than they give us credit for!!
Best Wishes,
Ann

Offline Bob Gould

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Re: joke for today
« Reply #5 on: June 25, 2004, 11:08:08 AM »
A shipwrecked man was barely surviving after four months on a deserted island, when one day on the beach, a gorgeous woman rowed up to the shore. "I've been on the other side of the island since my cruise ship sank," she told him. "At least you had a rowboat wash up with you," he said. "Oh, I made that out of palm branches and coconut trees." She explained. "With no tools?" He asked incredulously. "It was a simple matter of heating an unusual type of rock I found to a certain temperature in my kiln, then melting that into a forgeable iron to make the hardware." She told
 him. "Do you want to come see my treehouse?" Well, did he ever! This woman had an amazing fortress, and she cooked him a delicious five-course dinner in her handmade cookware. After dinner, she went to slip into something comfortable and came back wearing almost nothing. She gazed into his eyes and said, "We've been lonely. I'm sure there's something you want to do right now, something you've been longing for all of these months. I think you know what I mean." He couldn't believe his luck.

 "You mean..." He was almost speechless. "I can check my e-mail from here?!"
This came to me while chopping wood the other day. You've heard don't sweat the small stuff. I say save it for later and use it for kindling

Offline barrelracerchick

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Re: joke for today
« Reply #6 on: June 25, 2004, 07:18:53 PM »
 /|\\ that was a good one bob!!!!!! :()&     lol     *:))*

Offline playindueces

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Re: joke for today
« Reply #7 on: June 25, 2004, 07:40:36 PM »
Too funny!!!!!
Pam

Offline debandbeau

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Re: joke for today
« Reply #8 on: June 25, 2004, 09:41:19 PM »
Watch out, Bob!
Tamet might read that and think it's your biography!!!  You know how she loves you being on the computer so much!!!   :()&    :()&
"The ONLY thing that should be on your mind when you go down that alleyway is doing the best you can to help your horse do the best he can."     Kappy Allen

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